my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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