he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize