the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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