The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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