the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
