Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
