just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
