Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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