I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
