he puts the penis in happiness.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
