My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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