every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
