So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
