I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
