please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
