U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
