I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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