I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
