Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
