Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
