At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
