I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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