Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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