so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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