That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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