i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with two different species that night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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