I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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