dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
