He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
it glows. i had to have it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
