I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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