I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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