Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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