I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
