its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
