your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
