I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
