Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
