Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
