Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
