She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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