I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
