Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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