Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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