My first STD was from a foam party
I can tuck mytits in my pants
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
