I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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