whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
