my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
