what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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