god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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