I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
