Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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