You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
