Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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