I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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