went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
