theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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