when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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