Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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