After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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