She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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