reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
