I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
