Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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