Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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