i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
