Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
