Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
