Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
