As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
