We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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