I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize